Politics of power and life

How Anxiety, Body Image, and Male Validation Are Intertwined

For many women, anxiety doesn’t just exist in the mind –  it trails into the body and latches onto the way we see ourselves. It can show up as a racing heart, a tight chest, and a spiral of thoughts that feel impossible to escape. Over time, that internal chaos can begin to shape our relationship with food, our bodies, and most importantly, how worthy we feel of love and attention.

I’ve dealt with anxiety for most of my life. I take medication to help manage it, but the relationship between my mental health, my body image, and the need for male validation is something I’m still unravelling. 

It didn’t start out that way. At first, it was just a need for control over something, anything. Controlling what I ate gave me a false sense of power when everything else felt unstable. And then came the weight loss, the compliments, the sudden attention. Especially from men. It felt like the world had shifted. Like I was finally desired and valued.

This feeling of being desirable quickly becomes addictive. It no longer remains central on the premise of controlling food. It shifts to maintaining that image that gets makes you feel desirable. You begin to equate male attention with worth.

Why Male Validation Can Feel So Necessary 

It’s hard to admit that something as external and fleeting as male approval can feel so essential. But it does. For many of us, we were raised in a culture that ties a woman’s value directly to how attractive she is to men. We’re praised for being pretty before we’re praised for being smart, strong, or interesting. From a young age, we learn that being wanted is the ultimate form of success – and being invisible feels like failure.

So when the male gaze turns toward you – when it lingers, when it compliments, when it wants – it feels like proof. Like maybe you finally did something right. That kind of validation is hard to let go of, even when you understand it’s shallow. Even when you know it’s not love. 

For me, I still find myself chasing that feeling. I still feel the sting when it’s absent. I still have days when I equate being ignored or unseen with being unworthy. And it’s exhausting – constantly measuring your value by something you can’t control, something that’s never guaranteed to stay.

The Anxiety of Being Seen 

The tricky part is, once you start receiving attention for how you look it becomes a kind of pressure that you certainly don’t wish to lose.  You start to fear what will happen if you gain weight, or your body changes, or you stop posting the kind of pictures that receive praise. You worry you’ll be forgotten. That you’ll disappear.

It becomes a constant loop: if I look good, I get attention → if I get attention, I feel worthy → if I lose that, I lose everything. And even when you’re aware of how toxic this mindset is, it can still feel true. So how do you start to shift that?

1. Ask: Who am I performing for?

When I get dressed, when I post something online, when I look in the mirror – I’ve started asking, Who am I doing this for? Is it me? Or is it some version of me that I think will get more male attention? Just pausing to ask that question helps me get a little closer to doing things for myself.

2. Redefine “feeling attractive.”

I’m starting to explore what it means to feel beautiful or worthy outside of how I look – or how someone responds to how I look. That might mean appreciating how strong my body is, how I show up for my friends, or how I hold space for people. It’s not easy. But I’m trying.

3. Practice sitting with the discomfort.

Some days I don’t get compliments. Some days, I do feel invisible. And I’m learning that it’s okay to feel the discomfort of that without immediately trying to change my body or fix myself. Not everything needs to be a reaction. 

Healing Doesn’t Mean It Stops Hurting

This stuff is so deeply ingrained – it doesn’t just disappear because you realise it’s unhealthy. I still have days when I feel the pull. When I feel unlovable unless I’m “desirable.” When I feel the urge to restrict, to shrink, to be smaller – because smaller has always felt safer, more acceptable, more praised.

But I’m learning that healing isn’t about never thinking those thoughts again. It’s about noticing them, pausing, and choosing not to let them control me.

Even if male validation still holds power in your mind – that doesn’t mean you’re broken. It just means you’re human in a world that’s constantly telling you to be something else. You’re allowed to want to feel beautiful. But you’re also allowed to redefine what that means – on your own terms.